


Do  You Remember When?

by caffeinegrooves



Category: The Worst Journey in the World - Apsley Cherry-Garrard
Genre: M/M, alternative universe, i just love angst, its also sad, its short, polar explorers writing love letters, silas you are a dumbass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinegrooves/pseuds/caffeinegrooves
Summary: Frank writes Charles a letter about what could have been and what never was.
Relationships: Frank Debenham/Charles Wright
Kudos: 1





	Do  You Remember When?

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my native language, I´m sorry for any mistakes.

Dear Charles,

I am quite sure that you didnt expect a letter form me for a while; maybe not in your whole life. In fact, I promised myself to never write to you again, or to see you, to never even think about you. But I failed and here I am, writing a letter to you. Isnt it funny? Despite all the things you´ve done to me and despite all the promises you broke, my mind wanders back to the times when everything was still going well very often. Too often for my own liking. 

I cant say my good memories of you are swallowed up by the bad ones, because that wouldnt be true; it is rather the other way around and I have phases when I miss you terribly, almost forgetting the pain you caused me. The worst thing about all this is that you know it. You knew you would break my heart. And you didnt do anything to stop it, for you it was the only right decison; the only solution. That night when you introduced her to me, your new wife, or rather Mrs. Wright, I thought you had been playing with me all this time. That our moments were nothing to you, that you just went along because you were lonely in the dark, cold antarctic night. I thought you had never loved me. But now I see things differently.  
You are weak. You did this not because of me but because of them: society. And Society makes us think normality is more important than happiness. You´ve always been like this: shy, reserved, you cared too much about what other people thought about you, you always want to be acknowledged not for who you are, but for who you want to be. I may not have known you the longest, but we all know that antarctica, our desolated, beautiful, bittersweet island, brings out the real in men. Sometimes the worst, sometimes the best. In your case, luckily, it was the best. I fell in love with it. I fell in love with you; madly. And you fell for me too. 

Do you remember the first time we met? It was on deck of the Terra Nova in Lyttelton. Me, Griff and Meares had just got on board and our adventure was about to start. I knew that Griff knew you and so I went up to talk to you. You threw me a weird expression and one of your sassy remarks, that I learned to love in a few months. I´ve always found you interesting, Silas. And on deck you had the time of your life. We ate at midnight, cuddled up in blankets, looking at the stars. 

You´re really clever you know? Your thirst for knowledge can never be fullfilled and althought I like rocks and you the stars I think we´re quite similar in that aspect.  
We ate all our meals together and talked till the sun rose again, your cheeks were pink from the cold and our fingers numb. We had ski lessons together, we made scientific observations together, we were unseparable. I didnt want to spend so much time a day with anyone but you. Every time you smiled at me, teased me, tried to hit me, I fell more and more in love with you. And I didnt even notice. 

Remember when we went out for a walk during the antarctic night. It was so cold that our noses got frostbitten, but we didnt care; we walked and walked and watched the bright moon. I remember looking at you and your beautiful, stunning face. I hope you know how gorgeous you looked that night. It was the first time I wanted to kiss you; but I didnt.  
The next days were hard for me. Maybe for you, too. The realisation of being in love with a man is not easy, i thought I was going crazy and thought it was just the antarctic and my lonliness; but i was totally in denial. 

Do you remember when we kissed the first time? Your hands on my cheeks; you shivered so badly and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I couldnt hear anything else. The world around us faded and disappeared and you were everything I wanted. Your lips on mine; heavenly.

Then the happy days started. We were in love; we slept in each others arms, stole kisses, whispered sweet nothings in each others ears and felt like inifinty.  
It was a pity that I couldnt take part in the southern journey, but I was proud that Scott had chosen you. Despite all the tragedy that happened afterwards we remained strong, we didnt let it ruin us, we had each other and we believed in one another. I dont know what I would have done without you. I´m a sensible person and I needed you; you were there for me.  
In those two years alot of things happpened: bad things and good things. You, of course were the best and at that moment I understood, that it was you and only you with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But apparently you thought different. 

I know what they do to men, being in love with other men. Hormone therapies, execution, concentration camps, the whole programm. It was a forbidden, dangerous love, but i was willing to risk it: for you. Of course, it was something different in antarctica, but not impossible in civilisation. Do you really think what you did was the only solution?  
That there was no other way? No way, except letting me down, forgetting me, hurting me, „falling in love“ with a woman and marying her as soon as we got back?  
I knew it would be more difficult for you than it was for me to come to terms with it and i was willing to be there for you and to support you, because I loved you. I still do. I love you and I hate it.

You think you have done the right thing and maybe you´re right after all, but Charles do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  
Sincerely yours,

Frank Debenham.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos! This fandom needs more attention


End file.
